Love Sunshine

Forecasting about

One of the curses of extreme helioholism is extreme scepticism when it comes to what 'they' say about the kind of summer we are likely to have. This is aggravated by a long memory and a festering grievance at the number of times 'they' have let us down in the past. 'They' being both the weather forecasters and the heavens themselves. 'They', as far as I'm concerned, are in it together, to set up false hope, frustrate desire and have fun at my expense.

I'm truly amazed at how short most peoples memories are. And simply staggered by how much faith they are prepared to put in these shabby shamen with supercomputers the weather men. How many times have I heard it asserted with straight-faced sincerity over the last week that 'it's going to be a good one this year'? And how many ejaculations of derision have I issued in response? Wearily I shake my head at their innocence, and point out they say something of the like every bleeding year, including ... and I always pause here for optimum effect, raising a horny finger heavenwards to silence their prattling platitudes with my sageous sermonising ... including that annus horribilis the so-called 'summer ' of 2007. Then, they - and I've worked myself up into just short of a frenzy by now, verily spitting the word out - they blithely predicted there was a good chance that that summer might be much like the one before. A scorcher, whose kind I fear we've seen the last of, going on recent performance. And we all know what happened then. I haven't forgotten, and I certainly haven't forgiven. Like some old fool who refuses to buy a 'Jap' car, because of what they did in the war, I refuse to buy their prognoses, and hold a burning dagger in my heart for their long-range mendacity.

They are up to their tricks again. Barbecue summer? My arse. Is this what's got everyone excited? Mealy mouthed half-promises to placate an easily duped nation. It'll take more than that to fool me. And don't say I didn't warn you if those barbecue coals bought in anticipation in May are still unused come September.